Self-Destruction
by FanGirl9890
Summary: Mickey is trying his hardest to make Ian better, but when Ian tries to kill himself, Mickey can only blame himself.
1. Chapter 1

"Aye, Gallagher." Mickey walked into his bedroom, opening the curtains and cracking a window open to let in fresh air. He was holding a plate of chocolate chip pancakes and set them down on the bed next to the sleeping boy. "Ian, hey, man wake up…it's almost eleven…" Mickey spoke in a soft voice, taking his time as he moved the sheets down from Ian's face. Ian was pale and dark circles were formed under his eyes. It had been days since the Gallagher's and Milkovich's found out what had been going on with Ian, and Mickey was determined to get the Ginger out of bed. The Thug wanted to prove that their love was enough for Ian to get better.

Ian's eyes were open but were staring up at the ceiling. They showed no sign of attentiveness in them but Mickey reached forward and thumbed Ian's cheek gently. "I made pancakes….You need to eat… it's your favourite." Mickey tried his best to smile but seeing Ian like that made his heart break. "It's chocolate chip. Chocolate always makes you feel better." Ian didn't move one muscle. Mickey focused on Ian's chest rising and falling gently. "Com'on, a couple bites…please?" Mickey didn't mean for his voice to crack the way it did but he needed Ian more than he knew. Ian was supposed to be the strong one out of them. Mickey always loved how Ian was so put together and took care of everyone. Mickey wasn't used to having to take of someone.

Ian eye's shifted towards Mickey and he blinked a few times. He slowly licked his chapped lips and shook his head slightly. "I need to sleep." His voice is rough and raspy. "Go away, Mickey. I need to sleep." He tried to cover himself again with the sheets, but Mickey refused, stripping off the sheets completely onto the floor.

"No, fuck. You're gonna eat these damn pancakes I made you. A couple fuckin' bites so I know you got some food in your damn belly then I will leave you alone to goddamn sleep. Even though you've been sleeping for days, I will let you sleep even more. Jesus." Mickey huffed, pushing the plate closer to Ian.

The Ginger just stared at him, emotionless. He blinked a few times before he slowly moved his body up to sit against the backboard of the bed. When Mickey saw that he was getting up, he quickly moved closer to help sit him up. The Thug put a pillow behind Ian's back for more support. The younger boy cursed under his breath a couple times and his eyes drooped shut but he quickly opened them again.

"Shit." Mickey cursed back when he realized that Ian wouldn't be able to feed himself. Ian was so helpless. "Hey, don't worry. I'll help ya okay? I'll cut some small pieces and feed em' too you? Just let me know when you're full." He cut the pancakes into small pieces as he spoke and brought the fork up to Ian's mouth.

Ian opened his mouth and chewed slowly, staring at Mickey. The Thug had never fed anyone in his life and felt awkward about doing it. But Ian needed to eat. He waited for a couple minutes before he brought another forkful of breakfast to Ian's mouth. The Red Head took the fork into his mouth and again chewed slowly.

"It's good ya? I added extra chocolate chips in there for ya. I know you like em' sweet." Mickey played with the fork in his hand and felt relieved when Ian's lips tugged into a small convincing smile. "Need anythin' else man? Water? You must be thirsty…Hey, let me go get you some water okay?" Mickey helped Ian put another piece into his mouth before he got up to get water.

Mandy was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Svetlana. The Russian had her baby in her arms and both looked up when Mickey returned. "So?" The sister asked.

"He's eating. He needs water though." Mickey reached into a cupboard and took out a mug, filling it to the top with water from the sink. "He's talkin' a bit. Still looks tired, but I'm getting sugar in his body. So hopefully he'll have a bit more energy later." Mickey looked over at the two women around the table who were giving him an unconvinced looks. "The fuck you two starin' at me for?"

"Mickey…he's sick. He needs to see a doctor." Mandy said looking into her own pancakes.

"The boy see's doctor, gets the medication and then he better. Back to normal butt fucking." Lana rocked the baby in her arms. Mickey rolled his eyes.

"He just needs to get out of bed and he'll be okay!" he shot over his shoulder. "Alright, Firecrotch, got you some nice cold water. Should wake you right-" Mickey stopped in his tracks when he saw Ian lying in a pool of his blood. "Fuck!" Mickey dropped the mug of water and rushed over to Ian's side.

He had slit open his wrist with the knife Mickey used to cut the pancakes with. The cut was deep and blood was spilling out. Ian's eyes were closing again to sleep and Mickey was covering the wrists with his own hands. "Fuck! Mandy! Call 911!" Mickey choked out, avoiding looking Ian directly.

Mandy and Svetlana came rushing in a few seconds later, hands covering both their mouths and Mandy quickly left the room to call an ambulance. Mickey leaned over and grabbed a towel that was on the floor and tied it around Ian's wrist and pulled the body in closer to his to hug him. "Fuck. Ian." He was doing everything he could not to cry but a few tears left his eyes and fell on Ian's blood.

"Ambulance is on their way. I told them to hurry." Mandy rushed into the room, standing where Lana was. She quickly reached over to hold her hand in comfort and the baby started crying.

[*I haven't been adding onto my other story because I sort of lost my muse to it….so I started this one. I didn't mean for it to get so depressing. It sort of just happened. I'm curious to see where this will take me!*]


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell happened!?" Fiona yelled as she pushed the hospital doors open when she saw Mickey, Mandy, Svetlana and the baby. Lip; holding Liam, Carl, and Debbie followed close behind Fiona rushing towards the Milkovichs.

Mickey had his head in his hands, staring at the floor. His clothes still stained with Ian's blood and the smell made him nauseous. He wasn't going to go home and change though. No, he needed to stay at the hospital. Mandy stood up when she knew Mickey wasn't going to be able to talk.

"Mickey…he left Ian alone for less than a minute…and fuck, it happened so fast." Mandy's voice cracked a little as she held herself in her arms. A couple of glances were exchanged between her and Lip which made her look at her feet. She felt awful about what happened and couldn't stand to see Lip's disappointed/ disgusted face.

"So?" Fiona spat back. "Mickey, fuck. You can't – you left him alone with a _knife? _Are you fucking stupid? He's suicidal! Fragile. You can't just leave him alone."

Mickey's hands were shaking mostly out of anger. At himself. He knew it was his fault. He wasn't about to disagree with Fiona but he couldn't agree with her either. Mickey stood up and stood himself as tall as he could in front of the eldest Gallagher sibling.

"Fuck you. I know it's my fault. So back the fuck up away from me. I'll just—fuckin' leave. Jesus." Mickey looked back at Mandy who was shaking her head at him.

"Mick, don't leave. The nurse said she was going to give us news as soon as possible. Just wait. Please." Mandy held out her hand to him, but Mickey didn't take it. He just walked over to her and sat back down in the chair.

It was almost a half an hour of silence before a nurse approached the group. She was holding a clipboard and looked around the group.

"Are you Ian Gallagher's family?" The nurse spoke finally, looking up from her clipboard. The Gallagher can and Milkovich's stood up and crowded around the nurse.

"Yeah, I'm Ian's legal guardian." Fiona pushed in front of everyone so she could speak to the nurse one-on-one.

"Ian is stable. The cut was pretty deep…we managed to stitch it up pretty good…" She flipped through a couple pieces of paper. "However, Ian is mentally unstable. We are going to have to keep him for 72 hours before we can re-analyze him to see what is really going on."

"My mother has bipolar disease. We think that could be it. All the symptoms are there."

"Yes, that seems about right…" The nurse turned to look at Mickey. "It's a good thing you got him here in time. Don't blame yourself, alright? If it wasn't the knife, he would have found something else. Razor, scissors, pins…it's just a good thing you found him in time." She gave him a small smile. "We are allowing family members only to see him right now, but only until visiting hours are over. Then he will be held for 72 hours without any contact from family or friends."

Fiona nodded and started heading over to the hospital room, followed by Debbie and Carl. Lip stayed behind, making his way over to Mandy to talk to her. The nurse gave Mickey a pat on the back. "You're not going to see him?"

Mickey shook his head. "I'm not really a family member. I'm his boy-" Mickey stopped himself and looked down at his blood covered hands. He knew that Ian would have rolled his eyes at him and say something like "Com'on Mick. It's been a week. You can say it now. Boyfriend. I'm your boyfriend." Ian would have smirked at Mickey then nudge his arm. The whole thought of it made Mickey dizzy. He sat down again and could feel people staring at him.

"Right…" The nurse said, crouching down to look at Mickey. "You saved him, alright? Go see your boyfriend before visiting hours are over. If anyone asks, tell them I said it was okay for you to see him." She rubbed his knee gently before standing back up. "Afterwards, go home. Shower. Eat some food and sleep. Ian is going to need you to be okay when he gets out of here."

Mickey looked up at her and felt warm tears falling from his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was cry but he didn't know what else to do. He rubbed his hands together and stood up. Mandy wrapped her arms around Mickey's body, giving him a tight hug which surprised him more than anything. He didn't hesitate to hug her back. "I'll uh- be back." Mickey spoke lowly as he pulled away from his sister.

He stood by the door for about ten minutes when all the Gallaghers walked out from the hospital room. Debbie was crying. He couldn't tell how Carl was feeling. Fiona looked stressed out but when she saw Mickey, looked pissed. He waited until they were clear out of sight before he slipped into the room, closing the door behind him.

The room was quiet and dark. The only thing that really stood out in the room was Ian's red hair. The younger boy was handcuffed to the hospital bed, wrist bandaged up and IV's hooked into his arms. He was looking outside the window, blinking a few times slowly, barley noticing Mickey approaching him. The Thug sat down on the bed, close to Ian. The Ginger slowly looked at Mickey, giving him a weak smile.

"You look like shit."

"Fuck you." Mickey reached over, wrapping his arms around Ian's torso, hugging the bigger male tightly. He could feel Ian try to reach over to hug him back, but was restrained from the handcuffs. "Don't ever fuckin' do shit like that again, Gallagher. Jesus Christ." Mickey started crying again into Ian's chest.

The Ginger just lay still, closing his eyes. Mickey looked up at him and cupped both of his cheeks. "Look at me, Ian" Mickey's voice was serious but Ian didn't open his eyes. "Fuck! Ian. Look at me!"

Ian opened his eyes and a few tears fell. "I know what you're going to say. I don't need a lecture, alright? I don't know what I was thinking when I did it, okay?"

"I wasn't going to lecture –"Mickey stopped himself and sighed. He didn't want to argue with Ian either. Instead, he just pressed his lips against Ian's gently. It caught the Ginger by surprise at first but gave in quickly. Their lips moved in sync to one another's. It wasn't anything special. Just short and sweet.

Mickey pulled away and pressed his forehead against Ian's. "Fuck, don't ever scare me like that again. I need you here, Firecrotch. I'm sorry you're so…depressed. That's the last thing I wanted you to be. Fuck." Mickey started crying again. The only thing he could think of was finding Ian with his wrist cut open. He knew he would never be able to get the image out of his mind. He looked over at his bandaged wrist and ran his fingers over it gently, barley touching it. Ian just studied the Thug, nibbling on his lip.

"Mickey…don't go. I can't stay here for 72 hours."

"You have to, man. You gotta get this shit figured out. It's not your fault. It's bipolar disease or something. You know that right? Your mom has it apparently. They can help you though. And when they do, you can come back home with me. We can do stuff that makes you happy…I'll even go on those damn runs with you. Everything that makes you feel good, we'll do it. I promise." Mickey pressed his lips against Ian's forehead.

"Mickey, please don't leave."

There was a knock on the door, and the nurse from before peeked her head through the crack. "Sorry to interrupt guys…" She walked into the room with a tray of food. "Ian, we're going to uncuff you now so you can eat, but Mickey you have to go." Mickey nodded and looked back at Ian who had a panicked look on his face.

"Hey, man. Don't look so scared. You can do this."

"…don't leave."

Mickey looked back at the nurse then back at Ian. He ran a thumb over his lip and sighed deeply.

"I won't leave. I'll be right outside your room. In 72 hours I'll be the first ugly mug you'll get to see. Trust me, I won't be that pretty lookin' but I'll be here." He leaned over once more and kissed Ian's forehead, inhaling as much of his scent he could to hold him over until the three days were up. He went weeks without the guy, but felt that these three days were going to feel longer.


	3. Chapter 3

Mandy (4:30 pm): Mickey come home. Your bride is pissing me off. She needs a break from your kid.

Mandy (4:45 pm): FUCKHEAD. Answer your phone!

Mickey sighed and rolled his eyes at his phone. He had been sitting in the same spot for two days. He only had chips from the vending machine and was surviving the days with the cheap coffee they served in the hospital cafeteria. He couldn't go home to take care of his kid since he promised Ian that he wouldn't leave.

Mickey (4:48 pm): Can't leave. Bring the kid here fuck.

Mandy (4:49pm): get your own damn kid. Not my problem.

Mickey (4:50pm): Im not leaving. Bring him here or deal with this shit yourself.

Mandy (4:54pm): fuck you.

Mickey knew that, that was Mandy's way of giving in. He expected to see her within the hour. Ian's nurse walked by and looked down at him smiling slightly. "Mickey, right?" She asked. The Thug looked up raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah?" he stood up, hoping she was going to give him information about how Ian was doing.

"You don't need to stay here you. Go home, get some rest, take a shower. Ian will be fine. I promise."

"Nah, I need to stay here. I told Ian I wouldn't leave."

"Yeah, but he won't even know the difference if you left for a few hours."

"I told Ian I wouldn't leave." Mickey repeated and she nodded her head. "How-how is he doin' anyway?"

"Ian is doing fine. Responding well to the medication. He hasn't shown any signs of wanting to harm himself again. We have some amazing therapists helping him understand what is going on and how to deal with the disorder. Once the medication is regulated in his system, he should be back to normal. However he will be agitated for the first few weeks. He can't drink, smoke or do any kind of drugs while on the medication. It can harm him even more." The nurse explained to Mickey.

He tried to take in everything she was saying but it sounded like a different language to him. He scratched his cheek and looked away nodding.

"Mickey it's okay. It's a lot to take in. A lot of changes, but you need to be strong for him. He needs you more than anyone. He talks to me a lot and talks to me about you. He's crazy about you and wants to get better for you."

Mickey couldn't disagree with her more. He knew how better Ian could do. That he was no good for him and that he is probably making Ian worse, but he nodded again. "Right. Yeah." Mickey mumbled and sat back down on the floor. "When can I see him?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay."

The nurse walked away from him with an unconvinced smile on her face. Half an hour later, Mandy came storming through the doors with the baby in her arms and a diaper bag hanging off her shoulder. She looked around until she saw him and shook her head while walking up to Mickey. She pretty much dumped the child into his arms and tossed the bag next to him.

"He's your kid, Mickey! Take responsibility. Jesus Christ."

"Fuck off." Mickey flipped her off and looked down at his baby, not knowing what to do with him. "I've got more important shit to deal with."

"Right." Mandy rolled her eyes.

"Why are you being a jackass? He's your best friend." Mickey huffed as he shifted with the baby in his arms.

"Because my best friend tried to commit suicide!" Mandy threw her arms up in the air and took a deep breath. "I got work in half an hour. See you later." Mandy stormed off, avoiding eye contact with her brother and Mickey looked down at the baby again.

"Sorry I brought you into this fucked up world." Mickey whispered to him and cooed him in his arms as the baby fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Mickey, you can go see Ian now."

The Thug had been waiting to hear those words for three days. Three days he had been sitting outside of Ian's hospital room, on the floor, hardly eating or drinking anything. Three days without taking a shower or seeing anyone other than nurses and his sister. Three days, Mickey had been dying to apologise to Ian.

He stood up, baby still in his arms, groaning a little bit. He was sore from being overtired and exhausted. The baby was asleep and hoped he wouldn't wake up. He flashed a small grin at Ian's nurse as he walked past her into the Redhead's room. The room was brighter than three days ago. Blinds were open and the sun was shining through. Ian was sitting up this time with only one arm cuffed to his bed. Color had returned in his cheeks and he looked rested. He hadn't seen Ian like this in months.

"Hey tough guy." Mickey grinned even bigger when Ian's face lit up.

"You look like shit, Mickey." Ian straightened up and moved over a little bit so there was more room on the bed. Mickey made himself comfortable next to him, cradling the baby.

"Yeah, well you told me not to leave so I haven't changed." Mickey leaned over and pressed his lips against Ian's forehead. He stayed there for a moment and took in Ian's scent. He missed him so much.

"Marie told me that you refused to go home."

"Marie?"

"The nurse. My nurse. She's been giving me updates." Ian explained.

"Yeah, well like I said, you told me not to leave."

"I wouldn't have known the difference if you went home to shower." Ian said and ran his free hand across the scruff on Mickey's face. "Or at least shave."

"You told me not to leave." Mickey shrugged and looked down at the baby whose eyes were opening. "Lana was being a bitch and put me on daddy duty, sorry."

" S'okay. Here, let me hold him." Ian held out his arm and Mickey placed the baby gently in his arm. "I didn't think I'd like this kid. But he's not bad. Doesn't cry much and he's kinda starting to look like you." Ian grinned down at him. "Let's just hope he has a better attitude than you do." Ian teased then kissed the top of the baby's head.

Mickey studied Ian. He seemed different. Back to normal almost but somehow different. The lines in Ian's face was the same. The way he smiled was the same. His laugh and the way he licked his lips before he spoke, all the same, but there was something different.

"How do you feel?" Mickey asked suddenly.

Ian looked up. His expression told Mickey that he knew that question was coming. "I'm fine."

"Ian, how do you feel? Really."

"I like it when you call me Gallagher better. Or even Firecrotch."

"Fuck, Gallagher. How the fuck are you?" Mickey snapped back and Ian grinned so wide.

"Really, I'm fine. I can probably go home tonight or tomorrow."

Mickey ran a hand through his hair and sighed in frustration.

"What, Mickey?"

"You tried to kill yourself. In our- in my bed. You are handcuffed to a hospital bed with your wrist stitched together. You're not- how can you be fine?"

"I know what happened Mickey. I was there too." Ian shrugged. "They got me on all sorts of medication. I feel fine."

Mickey looked unconvinced.

"Mickey, stop looking at me like that and just tell me what you're thinking."

"How can you just be fine? After fucking trying to kill yourself? How can you be fine after only three days? How can you just be happy and shit after that?"

"Woah, relax. I never said I was happy. I said I'm fine. I feel fine because I don't really feel anything else. I'm not happy or sad. I'm just kinda…fine."

Mickey couldn't understand what was going on. He didn't feel anything else? What was that supposed to mean? The Thug ran his hands over his face and groaned softly into them trying to process what Ian was telling him.

"So you're like…fuckin' numb or some shit?"

"Yeah, that's a good way to put it I guess."

"And you're cool with that?"

"I mean, I guess it's better than wanting to kill myself, right?"

The words hit Mickey like a ton of bricks. His breath hitched and his heart felt like it dropped into his stomach. How could Ian just say that with such ease? Like it was no big deal that he cut his wrist open and tried to end his life in front of him?

Mickey stood up and took the baby out of Ian's arms, holding his own baby in his arms tightly. Tighter than he ever had before. The last thing he wanted was his kid to see how fucked up life could get. That it is that easy just to end it all when life got hard.

"You're being selfish." The words came out of Mickey's mouth faster than he could stop them.

"How so?" The Redhead eyebrows were raised.

"Shit got hard and you just tried to off yourself. Without even thinking about your family. Lip, Fiona, Debbie, Carl, Liam. My fucking sister. Your best friend. Shit even Kev and Veronica-"

"You?" Ian interrupted but Mickey ignored him.

"You have so many people who fucking adore you and you just try and kill yourself? After weeks without telling them where the fuck you were. Humpin' old dudes for cash and tweaking out like a bitch. You try and kill yourself because life finally caught up with you and you couldn't handle it."

Mickey's hands were shaking and he rocked the baby in his arms when he started whining a little because Mickey was yelling. Ian's face was calm and unresponsive. He shrugged.

"It was more than that. I didn't know why I was doing all of that."

"We could have helped you."

"I didn't want your help."

"Because you were being selfish."

Ian rolled his eyes and looked away. "I want you to leave."

"I'm already gone." Mickey snapped back and stormed out of the room. He nearly crashed into the nurse on his way out of the room and she looked alarmed.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, noticing the tears in Mickey's eyes.

"No. You fucked him up. He's not the same person."

"Mickey, he is going to be like this for a while. You have to be patient. He needs to get better…and that isn't going to happen overnight."

Mickey studied her for a moment before he sat back down on the ground where he had been for the past three days. He looked up at her. "Let him know I'll be here when he's ready to go home."


	5. Chapter 5

Mickey paced around the waiting room of the hospital for what seemed to be hours. Ian was being released that afternoon and he couldn't have been more excited and nervous. Excited because he thought he had the chance now to show Ian what kind of person he can be. To be the kind of boyfriend that Ian deserved and to show Ian that he can take care of him. Mickey was nervous because at any moment Ian could relapse and next time they might not let him go after a couple of days. He couldn't even think about Ian being away. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

He sat down on a chair and leaned back, watching his knee bounce up and down nervously until he saw the Gallagher's walk through the doors. He should have known they were going to be there. Debbie walked up to Mickey with a raised eyebrow.

"Have you been here this entire time?"

Mickey sat up straighter and folded his hands in his lap nervously. "Uh, yeah. I guess so." Her nose wrinkled and she looked back at her family.

"…you know you kinda smell bad and you need to shave your face."

"Yes I fuckin' realise that. He told me not to leave so I didn't. Jesus." Mickey stood up and walked over to Lip.

"Hey man." Lip said. "We gotta talk to you about something." Fiona soon appeared by Lips side. Mickey just raised an eyebrow, letting him finish what he had to say. "When Ian gets released…he's comin' home with us." Fiona nodded at Lips statement.

"Ian's been livin' with me. He will be fine with me." Mickey protested.

"Yeah, we know he had been living with you. And when he was living with you, he hurt himself."

"Are you sayin' it was my fuckin' fault Firecrotch thought it was a brilliant idea to cut his wrist open with a knife?" Mickey said through his teeth, clenching his hands into a fist.

"No, we're not saying that. Relax. We are just saying that he needs to be around family right now and it would make us feel better knowing our brother is safe." Fiona said in a slow impatient tone.

"I'm his family. I can keep him safe."

"Mickey this isn't up for discussion. We've made up our mind. I'm Ian's legal guardian. He is coming home with us. And maybe it would be a good idea for you two to have a break from each other. It might be good for ya."

Mickey couldn't believe what he was hearing. They spent so long getting to where they were and now they were trying to separate them? He shook his head and before he could say anything, Ian was being wheeled out into the waiting room in a wheel chair, nurse pushing him. He had a grin on his face when he saw his entire family was waiting for him.

Debbie and Carl; who was carrying Liam, ran over to Ian, hugging him. Ian looked up at his nurse. "Can I walk now?" The nurse nodded and Ian stood up, hugging his siblings for real. Mickey sat back down in the chair and stared at them from a far. Ian didn't even notice Mickey sitting there.

Lip and Fiona left Mickey there and joined the rest of them, hugging Ian as well. Fiona whispered something in Ian's ear and Ian looked over at Mickey. He slowly walked over and sat down next to Mickey. He nudged his shoulder with his own.

"You're still here."

"Yup."

"You know I can't go home with you, right?"

Mickey nodded and looked down at his shoes.

"I need to be with my family."

"Ok."

"Are you going to be a girl about this or are you going to form actual sentences and talk to me?" Ian snapped.

Mickey slowly looked up at Ian with an amused look on his face. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"You got to be kidding me…" He said under his breath and stood up in front of Ian. "Look, do what you gotta do man. You wanna be with them, go right ahead. They are makin' me seem like the bad guy here for not watching you close enough and what not but I was fuckin' here for you. I didn't leave."

"Thank you for that."

Mickey stared at him blankly. "That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

Ian nodded.

"Fuck this." Mickey turned around without looking at the rest of his family and left the hospital.

Mickey didn't go home that night. He went straight to the Alibi to check up on the Rub and Tug and had himself a few drinks. But a few drinks led to more than a few and Mickey was wasted. He had cigarette after cigarette, corrupting his lungs with nicotine and his blood with alcohol. He grunted at the people who tried to talk to him and ask him what was wrong and when it was last call the Thug stumbled out of the bar.

All he could think about was not going to bed with Ian and that thought made him sick. Maybe it was the eight beers and half a dozen shots he had that made him sick, but the thought of Ian also made his stomach hurt. Instead of stumbling home, Mickey found himself outside the Gallagher house. He forgot how he even got there in the first place.

"Galla-Gallagherr." Mickey slurred in a loud obnoxious voice to Ian's window. "Ian fuckin' Gallagher!" Mickey found a rock on the ground and tried to throw it at the Ginger's window but it only hit the side of the house, but Ian's bedroom light turned on. Shadows in the room appeared and soon Ian was opening the window.

"Mickey?"

"Ian." Mickey smiled up at him.

"You're wasted Mickey."

"Fuck you Gallagher."

Ian rolled his eyes and closed the window. He made himself down stairs and out the front door where Mickey was.

"You can't come in." Ian closed the door and started pushing Mickey off their property.

"Come with me." Mickey grabbed onto Ian's wrist and pulled him along.

"Where are you going to take me?" Ian was more than amused.

"Home. Where you belong. With – with me. Fuck you Gallagher, you are supposed to be with me."

"I can't go with you."

"Why are you acting like I don't matter to you?"

Ian shrugged and pulled his hands away from Mickey. He sighed and started walking back to the house. "Come on Mickey, we will talk tomorrow. You can crash on the couch."

"Will you sleep with me?" Mickey followed Ian into the house.

"Okay."

Mickey sat on the couch, removing his shoes and waited for Ian. Soon, the Redhead brought a pillow and a blanket down and a cup of water with aspirin. "Take this." Ian handed him the pill and Mickey swallowed it and drank the entire glass of water. He sat back on the couch and Ian sat next to him staring at him.

"I'm sorry." Ian said almost in a whisper. "I'm sorry that I keep hurting you like this. That I tried to kill myself. That I'm living here now." Ian reached over and brushed his fingers over Mickey's face. "You don't deserve any of this."

Mickey nibbled on his lip and leaned into his touch. His eyes started to close and soon he was asleep. Ian laid his head on Mickey's lap and pulled the blanket on over him. He gripped onto Mickey's shirt and held onto him for the entire night.


	6. Chapter 6

"You've got to be kidding me." Fiona yelled at the two boys cuddled on the couch. Mickey didn't make an attempt to open his eyes since he felt hungover, and Ian just muffled "Ian get up." Fiona shook the Redhead's leg and Ian's eyes slowly opened. He started to sit up and Fiona cupped both his cheeks in her hands. "What is he doing here?"

He blinked slowly, waking up, and looked over at Mickey who was still out cold. "He was wasted. Needed a place to crash."

"The whole point of you staying here is to get away from him. Ian he isn't good for you."

Ian just shrugged and looked over at Mickey once more. "He was hurt. I wanted to help him." He placed the blanket over Mikey's legs and pecked his cheek quickly before standing up.

"You need to take your medication."

"Okay." Ian walked over to the kitchen and opened the cupboard where Fiona stashed his pills. Somewhere Frank proof. He filled a glass with tap water and took his medication. Fiona came walking in with her eyebrows raised. "What?" Ian asked finishing the water off.

"Wake him up. Get him out of here."

"Fi, he's my boyfriend…I think. You can't just tell me now who I can and cannot date. You're not my mom." His voice wasn't harsh but there wasn't any emotion in it either. He was simply stating the facts.

"Right well he does a pretty shitty job taking care of you. Ian, baby. You can do so much better than a Southside thug. Believe me on that."

Mickey woke up just in time to hear the conversation happening in the other room. He sat up slightly and could feel his head pounding. He tried to listen in as best as he could.

"What I did to myself wasn't Mickey's fault. He was feeding me breakfast and I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. It has nothing to do with him. And I kind of hate myself for putting him, putting you guys through that." Ian sat down at the kitchen table and looked past into the living room and saw that Mickey was awake. The Redhead nodded at him and gave him a small smile. "I'll be back."

Ian walked into the living room and sat on the table in front of Mickey, so their knees were touching. "How are you feeling?"

"Shit." He muttered, looking at their legs touching.

"You can't do that again. Getting drunk and showing up at my house in the middle of the night." Ian reached over and grabbed Mickey's hand in his. "Can I get you anything?"

Mickey stared at Ian's wrist, which were still bandaged up. He ran his free hand over the wrist and Ian sighed. He had a feeling that Mickey would never be able to get over what happened.

"I can't go home." Mickey mumbled.

"Why not?"

"My bed, its stained with your blood. I haven't gone home yet. And that is going to be there when I get home and I can't…" he trailed off and blinked back a few tears. Ian sighed and looked back at Fiona who was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. No matter how hard she tried, she did not understand their relationship. Ian stood up and grabbed Mickey, pulling him to his feet.

"What are you doing?" Mickey asked looking up at Mickey.

"I'm coming over. I'll fix your bed up, tuck you in and kiss you good night." Ian explained with a small smile on his face. "Then I'm going to leave. We will have a couple days of a break and when we are reunited, when I'm in a better place and my head is on right, we are going to have awesome sex. We will cuddle and catch up and I will make everything better again." Ian kissed the top of Mickey's head and the Thug looked over at Fiona, embarrassed. He felt like a child.

He huffed and started walking towards the door. "Fuck you, Gallagher." But Ian knew that really meant, "Fine, whatever you say."

He knew it was going to be hard, being away from Mickey and the last thing Mickey wanted was to be apart from the Ginger, but they both needed that break. Ian needed to get better, get used to his new disorder and get comfortable with the person he had to be now. Mickey needed to sort out if being with someone ill like Ian, is the person he wants to be with. Mickey knew there was nobody out there for him but Ian; he just had to find a way to deal with the new changes.


	7. Chapter 7

Ian had a plan. He wasn't going to stay long. Go in, help Mickey change the sheets, clean up the room, say hi to Mandy, say goodbye to Mickey then leave. He wasn't going to stay long only so it wouldn't be hard on Mickey. As much as Ian wanted to stay, he promised himself and Fiona that they were going to take a break.

Ian needed to get use to his new life. He needed to figure how he would deal with the changes and obstacles that that he knew he was going to face. Ian needed to deal with what he had done in his past recently and forgive himself for leaving his family, hurting them and especially hurting Mickey. He needed this break because he knew that it wasn't going to happen overnight.

Ian also wanted this for Mickey. He knew that the changes in his life was also going to change his relationship with Mickey and he wanted Mickey to be 100% sure that Ian is what he really wants. Ian knew that Mickey shuts down when things start to get hard and he doesn't want Mickey to have to deal with something that he doesn't have too.

"Holy shit!" Mandy took Ian in her arms once the two walked through the front door of the Milkovich house. "You fuckin' gave us all a scare!" Mandy hugged Ian tightly, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. She pulled away and framed Ian's face with her hands and pressed her forehead against his. "How are you? Do you feel okay? Do you need anything? Hungry? I can make you something to eat if you want."

"Jesus, Mandy, leave him alone. He just walked in the house. Give him some space. Fuck." Mickey mumbled and walked past the two, bumping his shoulder against Mickey's.

"What's your problem, asswipe? I haven't seen my best friend in days. I'm excited that he's back." Mandy grinned back at Ian.

"He's not comin' back." Mickey shouted back at her before he slammed the door of his bedroom.

Mandy looked at the closed door then back at Ian with her eyes slightly widen. "What? You're not coming back?" She asked.

"Only for now." Ian shrugged at her. "I need a break. I need to spend time with my family. After what happened." He didn't mean to sound harsh but lately that's all he ever sounded like.

"Right…so what are you doing here then?"

"I'm just here to help Mick clean up my uh, mess. And get some of my stuff."

Mandy shook her head and stepped back from her bestfriend. "You know this is gonna kill him right?"

They both looked back at Mickey's closed door and Ian nodded at her. "Yeah, I know."

After a couple minutes of Ian catching up with Mandy; explaining to her what happened, telling her his plans for the next couple weeks, what is going to happen now that he is treating his illness, Ian made his way back to Mickey's room. He opened the door slowly and peaked his head though the crack before he let himself in completely.

Mickey was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the window. Ian closed the door behind him and sat down next to him staring out the window just like Mickey was. He let the silence take over for a while before Ian spoke in a low tone. "You know this isn't forever right?"

Mickey only shrugged then looked down at his tatted knuckles. Clenching and unclenching his fist. Ian watched him then grabbed Mickey's hand and held it in his. Their fingers laced together, and fit together perfectly. He brought up Mickey's hand and kissed his knuckles gently before he looked back up at the Thug.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Mickey mumbled.

"Finding me trying to kill myself."

Mickey's breath hitched and he shook his head. "No. We don't gotta. I was there. I know what happened."

"You know why I'm doing this, right? Why I need to do this for myself?"

"I get why you're doing this, Ian. I get it more than anything. I just don't get how you can be so okay with just – leaving me. Again. Fuck, you make it look so fuckin'….easy." Mickey looked back down at his feet and went quiet. "I just got you back."

Ian thumbed Mickey's knuckles and nodded. "It wasn't easy. None of this has been easy for me."

"Well, you're real damn convincing."

Mickey stood up and looked down at Ian. "Move so I can help you clean your shit up."

Ian stood up, sighing and started stripping the bed of its sheets. He piled them together and replaced them with clean ones. Ian started the laundry and before he was about to leave, he collected a couple of his things into a bag. He grabbed one of Mickey's shirts and stuffed it in as well.

Mickey was leaned up against the wall with is arms crossed over his chest, staring at Ian. The ginger made his way over to the Thug, moving Mickey's arms so he could wrap his arms around the dark haired boy. Ian hugged Mickey close to his body and kissed his cheek before stepping away.

"I'll call ya in a couple days, alright?"

Mickey nodded and looked down at his feet again, but Ian quickly tilted his head up with his fingers.

"Give me a proper goodbye." Ian demanded.

"Bye."

"Seriously."

Mickey hesitated for a moment before he rolled his eyes and cupped Ian's cheek with his tatted hand. He caressed the pale skin then moved the hand around to the back of his head, tangling his fingers into the fire red hair, gripping and pulling Ian in for a kiss.

It was desperate. It was a kiss pleading and begging Ian not to do this. Slow, steady and focused. He took in every second, taste, scent that he could of Ian's to make it last for however long Ian needed space. Their lips moved together then stopped, staying put, pressed against each other then slowly pulled away. Ian gave him a small smile and nodded.

"See you."

Mickey nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been almost 10 days since Mickey had heard from Ian. He contemplated whether he should call Ian or stop by the Gallagher house, but he didn't cave in. He wasn't going to be a bitch about it. So he stood tall and kept busy.

Lana kept pestering Mickey to go to the drug store to get diapers and wipes for the baby but Mickey kept putting it off just in case if Ian drops by. But that Friday night, Mickey decided he was tired of Lana's whining and went out to go get the groceries and to get take out for dinner.

He avoided going the way that passed by the Gallagher house and took the long way around town. It was annoying having to do this but he wasn't going to give in. Not yet.

Grocery bags in hand, Mickey entered the restaurant that Mandy had ordered from to pick up their take out.

"For one?" The waitress asked at the hostess table.

"Uh- I'm picking up. For Milkovich." Mickey mumbled as he took his wallet out of his pocket. The waitress looked down into her computer and nodded.

"It will be about five minutes. Do you mind taking a seat while you wait?" She asked pointing to benches that were against the wall. Mickey nodded and made himself comfortable on the seat, taking out his phone and opening his game of Candy Crush.

A couple minutes into his game he heard a familiar voice. Mickey looked around, brows knit and stood up. Shortly after, he heard the same voice followed by a laugh. Ian.

Mickey started walking further into the small restaurant and looked around and saw Ginger hair that stood out from the rest. His heart dropped into his stomach when he saw that he was with another guy. His body stiffened and tried to move but his legs wouldn't move.

"Milkovich!" The waitress yelled out but Mickey didn't move. "Mr. Milkovich, your order is ready!" She called out again and this time Ian turned around when she heard the waitress. Staring right at him, Mickey quickly turned around, handed the money to the waitress; not bothering to ask for the change back, grabbing his food and heading out the door. He didn't want Ian to think that he was following him, so he moved quickly.

Mickey turned around in hopes to find Ian chasing after him, to explain himself but no such luck. The street was empty. The Thug slowed down his pace and cursed to himself.

Mickey heard his phone buzz, but ignored it. It was nearly 3 in the morning and he wasn't going to talk to anyone at that time in the morning. He soon fell back to sleep then soon after his phone buzzed again. Mickey groaned and opened his eyes, let them adjust before he saw the name on the call ID.

_**Gallagher Calling…**_

"Yeah?" Mickey mumbled, answering the phone.

"Mickey."

"Yeah? What?"

"How are you?"

Mickey blinked a few times confused. He sat up in his bed, leaning against the backboard and didn't say anything.

"Mickey?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Mickey looked over at the time. "Ian, its 3:15 in the morning. Why the fuck are you calling?"

"I saw you earlier. At the restaurant."

"Okay? And?"

"Why didn't you come and say hi?"

"Why didn't you come after me when I left?" Mickey snapped back. The last thing he wanted to be doing was arguing like boyfriend and girlfriend in the middle of the night.

"I was with someone."

"Yeah, I saw. Look Ian, I'm tired. Bye."

"Wait, Mickey."

Mickey didn't say anything he just waited for Ian to speak first.

"Can I come by in the morning?"

"It is the morning, asshole."

"Yeah, right. So can I come in?"

Mickey suddenly found himself looking towards the window then at his door. "What the fuck- Ian are you outside my house right now?"

"…Maybe…?"

Mickey cursed into the phone before hanging up and getting up from bed. He put on his slippers and stayed in only his boxers. He made his way out to the front door and opened it, finding the Redhead standing there. He had a big smile on his face, pupils blown and Mickey could feel him practically buzzing.

"Hey." Ian beamed.

"What the fuck Gallagher."

"Want to go for a walk?"

"No, I don't want to go for a fucking walk. Jesus. What is wrong with you?" Mickey pulled Ian into the house and closed the door. He wanted to get Ian into his room before anyone woke up – especially the baby. The last thing he wanted was a crying baby on his hands and a high Ian.

After Mickey closed the door to his bedroom, Ian fell down onto Mickey's bed, taking off his coat and shoes. "Come here, I miss you."

"Ian."

"Mm, say my name again. This time slowly." Ian teased, patting the bed beside him. Mickey sighed and gave in.

"Ian, what's going on, you're scaring me." Mickey said as he sat down next to Ian on the bed.

"I'm just – I wanted to see you. I missed you."

"Why couldn't you come earlier? Or later, I guess." Mickey asked.

"I was up, had you on my mind. I don't know, after I saw you in the restaurant I wanted to see you, but I just couldn't. You just look so, sad. So I wanted to give you space." Ian's knee was bouncing up and down and was talking really fast.

"Ian, have you been taking your meds?"

"What? Of course I've been taking my meds." Ian avoided eye contact when he spoke then started taking off his shirt.

"Can I crash here? I'm tired."

"What- I thought…"

Ian stripped down to his boxers and started to crawl into Mickey's bed where he use to sleep and Mickey sat there staring at the Ginger confused.

"Are you coming to bed? Or do you need a cigarette? I know you like to smoke before you sleep. I have a pack in my coat if you want one. I got the ones you like."

"Ian you're not supposed to be smoking."

The ginger chuckled and pulled the blankets up to his chest. "Old habits die hard I guess."

"Right." Mickey reached for the cigarettes and looked back at Ian. "Aye, I'm gonna have a smoke and a beer. You hang tight, aight? I'll be back in two minutes."

Ian nodded and curled up into the bed, closing his eyes. Mickey stared at him for a second before grabbing Ian's phone and heading out to the living room. He hesitated for a moment before sighing and unlocking Ian's phone and dialing Fiona's number.

"Ian? Where are you?"

"Aye, Fi its Mickey."

"Mickey, what the hell is going on?"

"That's what I'd like to know too. I haven't heard from him in over a week, thinking that he's doing this to get better and he shows up at my door three in the morning, high on something, smoking cigarettes and basically having enough energy to cure world fuckin' hunger. He was supposed to be living with you because you were supposed to take care of him. Makin' sure he takes his meds and gets enough rest. So why don't you tell me what the hell is going on."

"Where is he!?" Fiona yelled back.

"He's fuckin' sleeping. Has he been taking his medication or not?!" Mickey snapped, throwing the box of cigarettes across the room, against a wall.

"I don't know! He says he has been!"

"He says he has been. You don't fucking check? Jesus Christ."

"I'm coming to get him."

"Don't bother. He's asleep. I'll take him to the hospitial tomorrow. Sleep fuckin' tight."

Mickey hung up the phone and cursed loudly before he went back into his room. Ian was fast asleep, breathing heavily. He looked peaceful when he slept, something Mickey use to admire when Ian didn't know.

He crawled in next to Ian, pulling his body closer to his. He rubbed small circles into Ian's back and sighed. "Jesus Ian."


	9. Chapter 9

It was one of those falling dreams. Where you find yourself standing on the tallest building in the city, staring down at the cold stone pavement thinking "If I just jump, this would all end." And that is indeed what he did. Ian jumped. His body going limp, wind passing through the ginger hair, heart beating faster and faster until…

His body spazzed and he gasped for air. He shot up, Mickey letting go of Ian's body. He sat there in Mickey's bed, inhaling and exhaling. Sweat dripping down the sides of his face and back of his neck sticky. His breath was shaky. "Holy shit." Ian mumbled.

Mickey sat up too, wrapping an arm around Ian's shoulders. "Hey, man. You alright?"

Ian nodded, "Bad dream." He nodded again and his brows then furrowed, looking at Mickey confused. "Wait, why am I here?" Ian looked around Mickey's room. He had absolutely no memory of coming to the Milkovich house earlier before.

"You uh, were tweakin' out last night. Came to my house around 3. I let you inside then you just passed out. What the hell were you on? Ian, you haven't been taking your meds have you?" Mickey hated to sound parental, but in this case, he had too.

"I was with my friend from the club last night…he was there for me those couple of weeks that I was going through shit and we did a couple of lines. No big deal." Ian ran his fingers through his matted red hair then sighed loudly. "I need to go home. Fiona is probably freaking out."

Mickey blinked a few times, then shook his head. "You're not going anywhere. I'm takin' you to the hospital. Man, you don't even remember what happened last night. You're on – you're supposed to be on some pretty hardcore medication. And you've been doing everything you're not supposed to be doing…I can't just let you go. I have to take you to the hospital."

"Mick, I'm fine." Ian got up from the bed and started putting on his clothes that was on the floor. "I just really want to go home. Maybe go for a run later." Ian looked back at Mickey. "Hey, I know you hate running, but you should come with me today. I found this amazing little spot a couple days ago that I wanna show you. We could probably fuck there too. Nobody ever goes there. It's really romantic."

The words escaped Ian's mouth faster than he was thinking them. Mickey blinked a few times and thumbed his lip before standing up with Ian, putting his own clothes on. "Fine. I can get a car. I'll drive you home. But I gotta make a stop at the store first. Is that alright? I need to get diapers. Lana has been up my ass about it for days." Mickey spoke lowly. He really wasn't going to the store. He was going to take Ian to the hospital whether he liked it or not. No matter how 'ok' Ian seemed, Mickey wasn't buying the act. He remembered clearly how Ian was acting when he was on his 'high'.

"Yeah, that's fine. Hey, where are my cigarettes? Did you take them?" Ian was digging through his coat pockets.

"Yeah, we smoked them together last night. You don't remember?" Mickey lied. "I'll get some when we go to the store."

"Yeah, alright." Ian walked over to Mickey and wrapped his arms around the back of Mickey's neck. "You were jealous last night, weren't you? When you saw me and Ben."

Mickey shook his head.

"Comon' admit it. I saw your face. You thought we were on a date or something."

"I wasn't jealous, Ian. I was confused. Maybe a little upset but I wasn't jealous." Mickey shrugged.

Ian's moved his mouth to Mickey's jaw and planted small kisses along the stubble and Mickey's eyes started to close. "You know…I don't have to go home right now…we could…you know." Ian's hand wandered down Mickey's back and up his shirt. Mickey never really had any self control when it came to Ian.

The Thug started to shake his head in protest, but that only made Ian grin against Mickey's skin. "No?" he mumbled. "You don't wanna?" His hand moved around to Mickey's torso and down his stomach. He hooked his fingers around the belt loops of Mickey's jeans. "You're not putting up much of a fight, Mick." He breathed out.

Mickey wet his lips with his tongue then stepped back. "Let's go Gallagher. We got to go on that fuckin' run. We'll fuck there." He turned around and walked straight out the door. He couldn't remember the last time he ever turned down sex with Ian.


End file.
